Five Ways to Improve Your People Skills
- Victoria Hogg
- Dec 12, 2024
- 3 min read
Updated: Dec 19, 2024
Whether you're navigating a room of strangers, starting a new team project or simply looking to enhance your daily interactions, mastering the art of people skills can seem like deciphering a complex social puzzle.
It’s worth sticking with it. The Harvard Study of Adult Development shows that strong relationships are not only key to a happy, healthy life but also to long-term career success. Or think of it another way… if one’s people skills are found wanting the impact can be immediate (a client goes elsewhere) or long-lasting (that promotion never quite materialised, did it?).
So, it makes complete sense to improve your interpersonal abilities. Here’s how:
1. Listen Actively (and Show It!)
Remember that boss you got on well with in your early career? Ever wondered why that was? Maybe they were a great listener.
Listening isn’t just about hearing words; it’s understanding the message behind them. It sounds obvious but active listening involves deliberate body language: nodding, maintaining eye contact, and occasionally paraphrasing what the speaker has said to show comprehension. Being interested, essentially.
“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” Stephen Covey, business author
Break the cycle by focusing fully on the speaker. This simple act transforms interactions and makes you a better conversationalist, even if you’re naturally shy or adjusting to new social dynamics.
2. Ask Open-Ended Questions
This is especially helpful if you're new to a group or if direct interactions make you uneasy. Open-ended questions invite the other person to share more than a yes-or-no answer, facilitating a deeper dialogue and showing genuine interest. This can be as simple as shifting from "Did you like the event?" to "What did you think about the event?" Again, obvious - but worth practising. It’ll have an effect.
3. Practise Empathy
Understanding and sharing the feelings of another person is a cornerstone of effective interpersonal interactions. For those among us who are neurodivergent, this might take more conscious effort or different approaches, such as paying closer attention to verbal cues if non-verbal signals are harder to read.
Remember, empathy doesn’t require perfection; it requires authenticity. As Barack Obama said, "Empathy is a quality of character that can change the world”. It's about making the effort to connect and understand others’ perspectives. To stand in another’s shoes, if at least for a short while.
4. Master the Art of Small Talk
Small talk gets a bad rap, but it's a powerful tool for building relationships. It’s the gateway to deeper conversations and can be particularly beneficial if you're shy or in a new environment. Cringe as it sounds, get yourself caught up with the world around you: sports, books, currents affairs. Don’t worry about being interestING - just be interestED. Everyone feels good when they feel heard.
5. Get Feedback and Reflect
Seek constructive feedback on your interactions from trusted friends or mentors. For those who are new to a group or feel out of their depth, this can provide invaluable insights into how you're perceived and what you might do to improve. Reflecting on this feedback and taking time to observe others that you admire can accelerate your learning curve.
The study by the Carnegie Foundation showed that 85 percent of financial success is due to skills in ‘human engineering’: ie. your personality and ability to communicate, negotiate, and lead. Shockingly, only 15 percent is due to technical knowledge. Conclusion? Better people skills, better life.
At IMPROV Inc. we teach people how to practise better people skills using a tried and tested method we call P.L.I.E. Like the ballet move, ‘plie’ (plee-ay) is French and means to bend. By leaning into discomfort and doing the reps, great people skills are a only a step away. Raise the barre for yourself!
Improving your interpersonal nous isn't just about advancing your career; it's about enriching your personal life as well. Practise and start small. You'll not only become better at navigating social waters but might even start to enjoy the waves. So go ahead, dive in and start surfing the social seas.
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